Adventures In Parodyverse: House Warming Part 1

Adventures In Parodyverse - House Warming

    "What's going on here?" Visionary asked as he entered his new lighthouse home. That question immediately came to mind when, a moment after he entered, Yuki pushed past him carrying dining room table all by herself. "I don't have a dining room," he mumbled to himself.

    Yuki paused for a moment, long enough to break the news to him. "You do now."

    Visionary tried to rush upstairs. He was now totally sure that Liu Xi was around somewhere.

    "Wait." Yuki put down the table in the blink of an eye and reached out to stop him. "I got you something too."

    "The table?" he asked.

    "Yes, Vizh. I got you a table." She rolled her eyes to emphasize the sarcasm. "No, I know a lot about mechanical things, so I helped arrange for something." She grabbed his arm and tugged him through an open doorway into the garage.

    "I don't have a garage," he mumbled to himself.

    "You do now," Yuki repeated. She led him to a dark green tarp covering what seemed to be the shape of his own car. The garage was completely darkened, so it was hard to tell.

    "I can't accept a new car from you--" he whined.

    She stopped him in mid-sentence. "Wait here," she said. Yuki then quickly slipped back through the doorway and shut Visionary into the dark garage.

    "Wait...but--"

    The garage door suddenly flew open and an african-american man with a cornrow haircut bounded into the garage followed by cameras and bright lights.

    "What up, dawg?" the stranger asked loudly in front of the cameras. Visionary began to recognize him from a local low-budget rip-off of a national cable TV show. Only he couldn't place the name until the stranger answered that question himself. "This is Xzibis-Shawn! You remember how your 1987 Ford Pinto looked yesterday?"

    "Uh...I guess," Visionary said. "I've been busy, I haven't done much driving."

    "Well maybe this will refresh your memory."

    One of the crew switched on a monitor which showed Xzibis-Shawn approaching his car, parked on the street in front of the Lair Mansion. He couldn't park it on the grounds because Lisa threatened to have it towed and impounded. The video showed him poking fun at the various rust spots, noting the falling off bumper, cracked glass, and peeling interior.

    Then Yuki showed up on screen. Visionary looked behind him to see if she had returned to the garage yet, but she hadn't.

    "You're one hell of a friend," Xzibis-Shawn told Yuki on-screen. "I think it's time this ride's been pimped. Let's get crack-a-lackin'!"

    "And we're here now with Visionary, the owner of this junkyard dawg he actually uses for transportation!"

    "Hey!" Visionary protested.

    "You got some really cool friends," he continued. "You're really gonna thank her when you see this!" He gestured to the car and two crew members pulled off the green tarp.

    The 1987 Pinto was now hot pink with blue stencilling. It had low-profile tires, was very low to the ground. The interior was hot pink and blue as well, and the seats had been replaced with leather.

    "I don't believe this," Visionary mumbled.

    "Believe it!" Xzibis-Shawn exclaimed. "And check this out! He opened the door and leaned inside. Between the two front seats was an espresso maker. "Coffee on the go!" he commented. "And there's this."

    Visionary whined about something or other, but nothing he said could be heard over the stereo that was so loud it caused several items to fall off of the garage shelving. Of course it was Xzibis-Shawn's music.

    "Couldn't we play something quieter?" Visionary yelled his question loudly, of course right when Xzibis-Shawn turned down the music. He turned beet red for a moment when he realized how loud he was.

    "What do you think?" Xzibis-Shawn asked.

    "I think I'm going to kill Yuki," Visionary mumbled.

    "Well before you do that you're gonna need two things," Xzibis-Shawn continued, ignoring his actual words. He handed Visionary the keys. "You need these...and this." He tugged at the shoulder of Visionary's shirt. "You've officially been pimped!"

    As the crew began walking away with their star, Visionary tried his best to smooth out the shoulder of his shirt, but it seemed to be permanently pulled. He frowned and walked back into the house. "Yuki!" he yelled.

    "What do you think?" Yuki asked.

    "It's pink!" he complained. "And the stereo is very loud! And I think it has hydraulics."

    Yuki's smile disappeared completely. "I thought you could use something fun," she said. "I'm really sorry if you don't like it."

    "No, no." Visionary suddenly felt bad about his commentary. "I'm sorry, Yuki, it's great. You've really cleaned up my old car. I...I'm just dealing with a lot right now, okay?"

    "I knew you wouldn't accept a new one." Yuki smiled again. "I tried to get you the next best thing."

    "Thanks." Visionary almost hugged her, but hesitated, until she took the hint and hugged him instead. "I...should go and see what Liu Xi has done now."

    "Oh, you'll love it," Yuki told him with a smile that worried him enough to hurry him along.

---

    "Hello," Liu Xi greeted Visionary with from the doorway between the master bedroom and the master bathroom. That in itself was odd because the lighthouse didn't have a master bathroom.

    "What did you do to this place?" Visionary asked, almost sounding like an accusation.

    "The layout was inefficient," Liu Xi told him. "And I'm sure you and Pricilla don't want to share one bathroom with Kerry down the hall.

    Visionary almost protested, but then realized she was completely right. Kerry would probably rig it with explosives and kill Pricilla first chance she got.

    "I added an elevator too," Liu Xi continued. "Yuki helped me with that. You are injured often enough to make it worthwhile."

    "All of that and a dining room and garage too?"

    "The dining room was always here," Liu Xi pointed out. "You walked past it several times."

    "Oh." Visionary replied quickly. "Liu Xi--"

    "I created my first void protection spell," she told him with a satisfied smile.

    "How did you--"

    "Marie helped me," Liu Xi explained. "She showed me how. If someone enters the lighthouse and means you harm they will be lost in a maze until you release them."

    "How do I release...?"

    "Open the closet door," she said. "As long as the closet door is closed they will be trapped. You will have time to get help."

    "Wait...did you say Marie spoke to you?" Visionary asked. "I don't think she's spoken to anyone.

    "She didn't speak. She helped me."

    Visionary shook his head, trying not to think about it anymore. "Liu Xi...thanks, really, for trying to make me more comfortable. But you're doing too much. I have to ask you to stop now."

    "It's okay." Liu Xi smiled. "I'm done. I don't wish to push the bounds of your sanity too far."

    "Thanks, I guess," he mumbled.

    "I do want to do one more thing," Liu Xi added. "It won't affect your sanity at all."

    "What's that?" he asked.

    "Make you dinner," she said. "You'll be tired after moving in, and I want to give you something good to eat."

    "Sure." Visionary nodded. At least it didn't involve rearranging reality.

---

    It was just before dinner when two unexpected guests arrived. Not just unexpected...more like never expected, at least in the case of one of the two.

    Those two guests were Chiaki Bushido and Akiko Masamune.

    Upon seeing them approach the door from an upper floor window, Visionary began panicking. He wasn't sure whether he was supposed to do some elaborate ceremony to welcome Akiko. Liu Xi swore in Chinese in the kitchen simply because she had just begun dinner and didn't really think to prepare for two extra people.

    Visionary opened the door quietly, seeming pale as Akiko looked him over. Akiko wore a pink kimono and carried a small wrapped box. Chiaki was dressed as she usually was and carried a larger item.

    "I don't want you to go to any trouble for me," Akiko told him as soon as he opened the door. "I'm here as a favor to Chiaki."

    He breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment he feared she chose the worst possible timing to rope him into something dangerous. He took the gifts from both women and watched them enter. He walked upstairs and put both presents down on the table next to the door.

    Practically as soon as he finished climbing the stairs there was another knock at the door. He sighed and began walking back down.

    "I'll get it," Yuki said, racing past him with practically boundless energy, "Take a break."

    Yuki returned a moment later, much more slowly. Following her was Lara Night, carrying a large bouquet of flowers. She walked straight to Visionary.

    "I'm sorry," Lara said, "I couldn't think of an appropriate gift. I just brought you flowers to cheer the place up a little." She smiled at him over the top of the roses.

    Visionary took the flowers from her and set them into a vase in the living room, making a mental note to find out whether it was Yuki or Liu Xi who put it there. "Thanks, Lara," he said. "After the dealing with Yuki's and Liu Xi's gifts this is just perfect. It's very sweet."

    "Thanks." Lara nodded to him and fidgeted nervously. "I still wish I'd brought something better."

    "No, it's great, really." Visionary looked toward the kitchen where Liu Xi seemed to be catching up with Chiaki's help. "Would you like to stay for dinner? I mean...I hope Liu Xi doesn't mind since she's making it."

    "She already knew Lara was coming," Chiaki suddenly piped up from behind Visionary. "I told her as soon as I arrived."

    In an effort to preserve his own sanity Visionary guessed that Lara might have been approaching when Chiaki arrived.

    Chiaki handed Visionary the gift Akiko brought. "Akiko wishes you to open this now to see if you approve."

    "Oh. Okay." He tore off the packaging quickly and opened the small, light wooden box within. There was a single piece of paper inside, signed and notarized by the state, designating the lighthouse as a historic structure. "What's this?"

    "My home is also a state historic structure," Akiko explained. "As long as you maintain it, you are exempt from city property tax." She smiled slyly.

    "Oh." He looked at the certificate in the box. It seemed genuine. "Thanks. I don't owe you for this do I?"

    "Not a thing." Akiko looked at Chiaki. "It's a personal favor to one of my family." She stood and straightened her pink kimono. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm sorry I can't stay but I have business to attend to."

    Once Visionary returned from escorting Akiko to the door out of politeness, he stared straight at Chiaki.

    "Yes?" Chiaki asked.

    "Nothing," Visionary replied. "I'm just shocked that you actually got Akiko to come out her herself."

    Chiaki smiled. "We really are like family," she explained. "She is like an older sister."

    "Do you want to stay for dinner?" he asked, by now nearly regretting inviting so many people.

    "Of course." Chiaki gave him a slight bow.

---

    "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Lara Night asked as Visionary was walking back and forth helping clean up after dinner.

    Visionary looked at Chiaki and Liu Xi, who both insisted on helping.

    "Go ahead," Chiaki told him. "I will take care of this."

    He followed Lara through the living room and into the entryway where they could be far enough from the others not to be heard. "What's the matter?" he asked.

    "Do you actually know what was retconned?" she asked. "What happened between us?"

    He shrugged. "I...kind of guessed it might have been...sex?"

    She nodded. "Yeah. But...I don't know how to explain it...it was something...memorable to me."

    "And yet I don't remember it," Visionary pointed out sadly.

    "I know." Lara looked down at that point, and seemed a little hurt. "Part of the Hooded Hood's torture, I guess. I just wanted to tell you...you know...why I act a little weird around you. It's because every time I see you I have to fight the memories from returning, and fight the instinct to cry."

    "I'll keep that in mind," he said. "So I can excuse you. Of course that doesn't excuse me for acting weird around you."

    Lara smiled slightly. "That's cause you like me," she said.

    Visionary laughed. "Wow, that's a bold comment. I kind of like that."

    "I guess you're glad I showed up?" Lara asked.

    He nodded. "Yeah. And your present was very nice."

    She shrugged. "I've got one more," she said. "I wasn't sure if I should give it to you cause...I mean it to be innocent but I'm not sure how you'll take it."

    "Give it to me and let's see," he suggested.

    "Okay." Lara leaned forward and gave him a single kiss on the lips before stepping away.

    "I think that beats even Akiko's present," Visionary joked. "Thanks, Lara. You're very sweet."

    "And respectful," she added. "I only gave you a small one cause I know you have a girlfriend."

    "Yeah," he echoed as if he almost forgot, "A girlfriend."

    "C'mon, let's get back to your party." Lara took his arm gently and led him back toward the dining room, back toward his friends.

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Liu Xi Xian, Yuki Shiro, Lara Night, Chiaki Bushido (Psychic Samurai) (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason shows just what a lot of stress and a desperate need to escape can accomplish Wed Dec 07, 2005 at 01:56:51 am EST	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: House Warming Part 1

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